How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
