There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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