I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
