i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
