hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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