i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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