she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
