Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
