Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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