I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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