Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
