Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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