You just made me feel so damn special
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
