i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
