I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Can i not drive my cunt home
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
