Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The uberlube is also flammable
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I touched a dick in church today
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