I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
