I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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