The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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