I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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