she takes plan B like it's going out of style
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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