sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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