Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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