that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
