whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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