Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
