I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
