I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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