Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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