never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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