I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
