perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
