I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
