You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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