ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
