Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you never un-have a 4some
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
