Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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