I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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