what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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