I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
