remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
