great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
