She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
