it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
