I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
