are you still at the devil's house?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
