And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
