P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
