Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
