Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
