well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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