Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
