he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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