Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ladies don't puke and tell
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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