trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
