She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
