I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
